Shy guys get a lot of bad press when it comes to women. They are perceived by some men, women, and dating advice experts as dull and boring. And therefore, shyness needs to be dealt with if these socially challenged men want any success with women. It is generally accepted that women are attracted to men who are good looking and display confidence. Naturally, these men will be the first to strike up conversations with women. The shy guy, on the other hand, will be the one trying to build up courage to approach a women while going over and over just what to say. He is so nervous he might think it’s easier to walk away without making contact.
In the main, shy guys are misunderstood. Ok they are not loud, brash and do lack overt confidence. But being the quiet type doesn’t mean they lack passion or the ability to hold an interesting conversation. Some women may think that they are short on excitement, but they are just slow to get going. Shy guys can be introverted and enjoy their own company, more than getting out there and forming relationships, which takes them out of their comfort zone. If you are a shy guy and desperately want to lose your fear of meeting women, or rejection, then you’ve got to come up with an action plan.
1, Stop negative self talk, you can’t build confidence if you are beating you self up mentally. Check out self help books on the internet, look in Amazon or type in ‘self help advice free pdf’ in Google search. Or check out your local library which usually stock ‘how to build confidence’ and ‘how to raise self esteem’ books. When you start changing your thought patterns about yourself, your body language changes too, and you will be amazed how women will respond favorably to you.
2, Observe how men make initial contact with women. What is their first move? What is a good chat up line you would be happy to memorize? Is there a friend who is confident and successful with women, who would be willing to mentor you? This is a great, fast track way to success with women. Meeting women is a whole lot easier if you are with a friend or two. If you approach these times out with friends as a learning exercise only, and so you are not putting pressure and anxiety on yourself to strike up a conversation. Hey, if a woman does start talking to you, take a deep breath and exhale slowly. Just answer her questions and ask her what’s her name. What kind of job she has. All simple stuff, where you can’t go wrong. You might stumble over words and feel yourself sinking but remember you are just meeting someone of the opposite sex and there is nothing involving life or death here, so try to relax.
3, Utilize Your Comfort Zone – For shy guys interested in meeting women in bars and clubs, you are possibly raising your level of anxiety and finding little success. There are environments which favor the confident male. They thrive in loud, busy places where consuming alcohol should be the great leveler. Everybody loosens up after a few drinks. The girls can let go of their inhibitions, and shy guys acquire the courage to try and connect with the opposite sex. Unless a shy guy has prepared himself well, he will still usually lose out to the confident, outgoing male, who has no trouble in getting up close and whispering, witty, funny stuff to interested females. Shy guys can, and do, success with meeting interested females by joining a hobby or activity club. Are you interested or passionate about photography, pottery, painting, swimming, etc? So are many women, and joining any of these events are great places to meet women. The pressure and anxiety of meeting women is now lowered considerably.
- You can start conversations easier by introducing yourself and talking about your shared interests.
- The focus of these events has nothing to do with forming relationships, so men and women find it easier to relax and be themselves.
- You can impress women with your knowledge or expertise.
4, Online Dating – Try online dating even if it’s just to help with your confidence. Online dating sites can be unforgiving places, but no-one will know but you if you mess up. This can be just a learning exercise or go into online dating with determination. Try several free to join sites first, to get your ‘feet wet’. The secret here is to be totally honest, in an environment that is notorious for being deceitful. Write an interesting profile of yourself and post an image of you that shows you at your best. Your contact with women at these sites will usually be via email. You really should take your time in composing an email response. Be your natural self and avoid writing in text form language. You’ll stand out from the crowd if you do. Always be courteous in your communications and don’t post anything bad about someone even if they have treated you disrespectfully. If you do meet someone from an online dating site, you hopefully won’t be anyway near your usual shy self as you have gotten to know a little about your date.
5, Sense of humor, Women are drawn to men who can make them laugh. It’s an almost magical ingredient in attracting women who will enjoy your company because you make them to feel good. You don’t have to memorize a hand full of jokes and hope women find you amusing. What you do is say stuff in a funny way. Make light of any situation. Think up some short, interesting and funny things that have happened to you. Don’t force your humorous efforts, and don’t embarrass them . Women will soon move away from the unfunny ‘joker’. Keep it natural and avoid sexual anecdotes. Some women find it uncomfortable and you don’t want to risk getting slapped in the face!
In Conclusion
I used to be shy. Well, I’d call it quiet but friendly. My social skills with the ladies was difficult in those early years of socializing. But there always was someone of the opposite sex that did show an interest in me. Even if I could hardly string two sentences together without stumbling over my words. Many women do like shy guys, no matter what you’ve heard or read. It’s just a matter of them taking the time to get to know you.
Take the trouble to clean yourself up and dress smart (for the occasion). A woman will usually forgive your nervousness. Pay her an honest compliment, and show you have a sense of humor, and you will spark her interest in you.
Over time, your social skills will improve, and so your confidence will grow. It’s taking that initial step from accepting defeat every time because you’re a shy guy, and doing something positive to turn things round. OK it’s daunting, but let’s take that first small step forward. I know it’s a cliche, but remember how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!
While women are are only interested in confidence and strength in guys for the first minutes of meeting them. Shyness is certainly a difficult thing to get rid of especially in the beginning! So, I think people should first focus on come out of their shy feelings..:)
I agree with the advice above about stopping the “negative self-talk”.
Negative self-talk affects not just “dating” but other aspects of your life as well. It really is that damaging.
You are right, negative self talk affects other aspects of our lives. I know several men and women who are very negative about their contribution to their jobs. They constantly do themselves down. Saying they don’t think they are good enough to hold their positions, and feel they will one day be found out.