A relationship between equals who needs it? Surprisingly some women don’t! They are happy to take a back seat in their marriage/relationship. For a long time I have assumed that in order to be part of a loving, caring, relationship most decisions and tasks had to be split relatively equally between either partner. There would be no controlling issues where one half of the couple imposed their will over the unhappy other half. This situation would then be the bedrock of a truly successful relationship. That particular point of view is not what some women want in their relationships. They do not wish to be compared against their partner.
Checking around on various forums,I found that women are content to let the man be the driving force in their marriage/relationship. That their man makes most of the decisions about finances and home life. He is expected to lead, but only when he has his partner’s best interests at heart. That’s one thing I can relate to. My wife is happy for me to take the lead in various aspects of our relationship. I don’t see it as tipping the balance towards an unequal relationship. We haven’t been together for almost 25 years without working out a relationship pattern that is equitable to both of us. But that situation has only come about after disagreements, heartache and soul searching during the first few years of our marriage. Basically it’s an alignment of views, opinions and beliefs that are accepted by both of us.
If she leads on something, no problem when I do the same it’s ok with her because the base, the foundation of our relationship is built on mutual respect. I can be thoughtless or inconsiderate, but in no way does it impact on our relationship and she can be infuriating at times, but that’s in the moment, it means nothing, and is never taken to heart.
My wife has earned more than me during most of our relationship. When she was raising our kids I was amazed by how she juggled so many tasks. I helped out, but I don’t pretend we were equals then. Even though many men consider that the fact I held down a job was sufficient enough contribution to the ‘relationship’.
Are we equals? Well, not in the physical sense of course, – but the money, duties, and tasks we contribute we do so in the name of our relationship. We don’t have separate bank accounts. It’s never been the focus of arguments or resentment, but it is the essence of our relationship. As stated earlier it’s mutual respect and trust. In those beliefs we share we can individually be who we want to be, maintaining our boundaries happily within our relationship.
If you have any equality issues within your relationship you would like to share, please post a comment.
Hi there,
This is not a comment about your blog post. But I wanted to contact you and this seemed the only way to do so.
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Thanks.
Carolyn Langlois