I can still feel that crushingly numb sensation even though it was more than 40 years ago! Getting dumped by a woman I cared deeply about. She was my life, everything revolved around her. Most of my conscious thoughts were about her. How could she reject me? Had she lost her senses? Then, to add to my distress, the endless self analysis, which would keep me from a good night’s sleep for weeks. Where did I go wrong? Maybe it was that stupid reaction of mine at that pizza place? Nope! It must have been when we argued about her stupid dog? Yeah, that must be it. She love that mutt more than life itself!
Many of us take criticism and rejection badly, whether it’s from friends or your boss at work. You feel it’s personal and this is compounded when dumped by someone that you share an emotional bond. You will most likely have tried to get your ex back with you, but have experienced continued rejection and possibly the anger of your ex by showing desperate means to get them back.
There are several ways that can help you recover more quickly and so move on with your life. You may feel a whole range of emotions; disbelief, anger, self pity and depression. You should allow yourself time to grieve, don’t fight the emotional trauma you are experiencing if you cry, especially if you’re a man, don’t hold back, let it out. It’s a process you are going through, don’t deny it.
Only you will recognize the moment has come for you to move on with your life. Neither your friends and family’s soothing words will really help you arrive at that decision. Take something positive from your time with your ex. If you learn from the mistakes made you will be a better person for it.
It’s not a good idea to go immediately back into dating someone. You first need to fix yourself. In my own experience, and many others I have spoken to, have felt the need to give themselves a make-over. Join a gym, take up a hobby, buy some new clothes. All this helps towards the healing process.
Make Daily Affirmations – Do affirmations work? Yes, without a doubt. If making affirmations are good enough for Rory McIlroy, the recent winner of the US Open Golf Tournament, and other successful sports men and women, why not give it a try. Come up with a memorable phrase, such as:
A, Every day and if every way I am getting better.
B, I’m going to have an amazing day today!
Repeat an affirmation often, when relaxed last thing at night and first thing in the morning. Say them out loud, in front of a mirror for added effect. The secret is to believe that saying them will have a beneficial effect on you. If you can, try hard to repeat your affirmations every day for several weeks. You should notice a positive difference.
Surround yourself with positive people. Don’t listen to those who constantly say bad things of your ex. Some may encourage you to take revenge. These people’s ‘best intentions’ do not help you to recover. They only serve to stoke up bad feelings, anger and resentment. Mix with those people who, although they understand what happened to your relationship, offer only constructive help that actually helps you to move on with your life. Even better, socialize with those who have no knowledge or wish to talk about your broken relationship. You are with them because of a shared interest or hobby. Putting yourself out there again with amenable people around you will do wonders for your self esteem and well-being.
Picking yourself up after being dumped may take some time, but when you allow yourself to grieve then take stock of your life and embrace renewal, you will be able to move on with your life with confidence.