I began writing this week’s post about an acquaintance of mine. She has discovered that her husband is addicted to porn. He had hidden porn magazines in a cupboard in a spare bedroom. Angry and humiliated, she confronted him about it. Denying it at first, he then said that at least he wasn’t having an affair. She was left devastated by the fact that he felt he should spend money getting his ‘kicks’ from a magazine.
I decided to check out some related forum posts on the subject. More than 90% of people who responded to a similar problem another woman was experiencing said that “It’s what men do”, “It’s harmless, get over it”. I then dug deeper into the subject, including internet porn, and found that a very different picture was emerging.
It doesn’t matter what medium your husband or partner is using, a magazine or computer, addiction to porn is a huge problem. It affects marriages, relationships and children. In a study published in America, more than 70% of men aged between 18 and 34 years old visit an internet porn site in a typical month. Another report by marriage lawyers in 2002 stated that internet pornography was a significant factor in 56% of divorce cases.
A large proportion of men who do seek help, say the addiction is as powerful as smoking or taking drugs, and just as difficult to stop. Porn addiction can start innocently enough in early life, and grow in intensity through the teen years into adulthood.
Dr Victor Cline, a clinical psychologist in sexual addiction identified 4 phases of pornographic addiction:
1, Early exposure, via porn magazines and the internet by children as young as 10 years old.
2, Period of escalation. The addict requires increasing amounts of stimulation to experience the ‘high’ he needs.
3, Desensitization. Addicts progress through certain stages of behavior they once considered immoral and now accept as normal.
4, Acting out the fantasy. Where the addict moves from the internet world to indulging into extramarital affairs, promiscuity, and child molestation.
That is a huge leap from what is considered by many to be a ‘harmless past time,’ reading porn magazines. Moving into internet porn,( some of which is crude in the extreme, and highly degrading to women), impacting on millions of relationships and families.
Most countries have yet to recognize the true cost of porn addiction, and so provide little resources in support, treatment, and qualified advice. Marriage counselling might be an initial start in trying to get help. There are also 2 recommended books I have seen on several sites dealing with porn problems. Both written by Dr Leonard Sax. ‘Boy’s Adrift’ and ‘Girls On The Edge’ they are available on Amazon.
Internet sites that can help No- Porn.Com a resource to help people stop looking at porn, and Through The Flame help for the addict, as well as those closely affected such as family and friends.
Is there a story you can share about porn addiction affecting you?
Hey Ray,
In his book Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors, Carl Sagan describes a male chimp raised by humans. This adolescent primate would masturbate while viewing printed images of naked human females.
The chimp, as far as the study participants could determine or would admit 8-) , had never witnessed masturbation and researchers found it intriguing that the chimp COULD fantasize and would do so with a human being as the subject.
Maybe there are just too many naked chimp photos for them to be that exciting.
I haven’t followed up on Sagan’s comments but they are intriguing in that much of our sexual (indeed all) behavior may be more biological / evolutionary in nature than first imagined.
Great topic buddy, I’m sure you will get lots of comments.
Now, I must get back to my bone polishing.
Later mister.
Barry
Barry from Saskatchewan recently posted..Geometric Progression – Bam! Bam! Bam! One Friggin Thing Right After Another!
Hi Barry,
My wife just has to look at me in a certain way that is not even threatening, but I know I’m in trouble!
Thank’s for your comment.