Friends recently told me that they were at a loss understanding why their late teens children had taken to smoking and drinking.  Although my friends drank a little, they had been non smokers all their lives and had discouraged the children, from an early age, not to smoke.

Many parents are shocked about the antics of their children, who get involved in shop lifting, drugs, vandalism, etc.  As parents, where did we go wrong, they ask?  Well, for a start, those parents actually care about how their offspring turn out.  They become guilt ridden, did they fail in providing moral guidance and discipline to their children?  Then there is the other type of parent who shows little interest in how their children grow up. They appear to have low morals and so themselves are very poor role models.  Unfortunately, their children are influenced by their own behaviour from an early age and they often turn out just like their parents.  Their future prospect is bleak for integrating into mainstream society.

As good parents you try to bring up your children to be like you, with your morals and the way you perceive the world.  If they fall below your ideal you end up disappointed and so feel you have failed in some way.  Just where did you go wrong?  My friends noticed their two teenage children slowly drifting away from the close ties they previously enjoyed.  The children had began to spend the majority of their free time in their bedrooms, listening to music or engrossed in their computers or mobile phones.  Conversation with their parents was almost non existent.  Later they started going out a lot, mixing with friends and meeting new people. The peer pressure they experienced, and encouraged to try new things, coincided with the time they took up smoking, alcohol and staying out until the early hours.

Their attitude towards their parents changed too, they had all the answers, and their parents just could not understand them!  They started answering back to their parents, this in turn made home life stressful.

Many teenagers take recreational drugs like esctacy.  Also, in the UK, many towns and cities experience late night problems with young people drinking to excess, causing property damage and violence.

What Can You Do?  Well it may be difficult, but you could try to understand your growing teens, and what they are going through.  They may have many gadgets to keep them interested like Ipods, cellphones, computer games and social network sites.  But they can still suffer from mood swings, depression and boredom.  You have likely figured out that shouting and screaming at them may have had an effect when they were younger, but not now.

Try Listening:  Many parents just don’t make an effort to listen to their children, their hopes and fears.  Do not dismiss them too readily, they may want you to help.

That’s where, as parents, you can still make a difference.  Your children may act like they know everything and don’t need you.  But there will be times they will want your help and advice.  They know you love them and it will always be so.