New Year Relationship Resolution

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photo 25000 20101221 150x150 New Year Relationship ResolutionHave you made your New Year resolution yet?  If you are struggling to find something to give up (because it’s not good for you) or are thinking of taking up something that will benefit your well-being, but are still undecided, then why not consider a New Year relationship resolution.  This could do wonders for the relationship between you and your partner.

One recent poll conducted in North America, placed spending more time with family and friends as the No. 1 New Year resolution.

In making a New Year relationship resolution specifically for my wife and children, I acknowledge that I could, and should, have made the effort in the past twelve months to be a better partner and parent.

We all could do a lot more to enrich our relationships and so creating a better relationship environment.

Improve communication.  When there is a lack of effective communication, misunderstandings arise, we become insular and a constant negative atmosphere takes over the relationship.

Your resolution doesn’t have to be achieved quickly.  Take small steps over a period of time, say a month or two.  Give more of your time each week to conversing with your partner.  Ask them what kind of year they would like to see.  Have they made a resolution?  Are there mutual goals they want to work on?  For example, saving for a longed for vacation or going into business together.

Working towards a mutual goal is great for relationships that may just be going through the motions and could do with freshening up.  This can also test the resolve and character of either partner if they come across barriers and end up back at the beginning.

We all seek happiness in our lives and being in a harmonious relationship will usually require some effort from both of you to reach that stage where whatever life throws at you, the good, bad and ugly, at least the relationship flourishes.

Most people’s resolutions get abandoned within 3 months because either what is required to achieve the desired outcome is just too hard or there is a loss of interest and the New Year resolution is forgotten about.

Don’t let this happen to you.  Make your New Year relationship resolution one that you enjoy taking part in.  Reward yourself when you reach a particular milestone by maybe going to a restaurant with your partner.  Just do something enjoyable together that you don’t normally do.

Remember when your relationship was so important to you it was your life?  Complacency/indifference and the stresses and strains of modern living may have buried it to the back of your mind.

Make your New Year relationship resolution achievable by a bit of planning and commitment.  You may then just realize just how relevant and essential your relationship still is in your life.

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Giving In A Relationship – Christmas Post

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christmas tree1 150x150 Giving In A Relationship Christmas PostI have just finished watching one of my favorite Christmas movies ‘A Christmas Carol’.  Ebeneezer Scrooge in being shown the error of his ways, ultimately finding happiness and contentment in his life by helping people much less fortunate than himself.

If you look at your relationship, there must be something you can do that shows your partner that you care about them.  You could also benefit by feeling better about yourself as well as your relationship.

‘Giving’ in a relationship doesn’t have to entail money or gifts to make a positive impression on your partner.

How can  you ‘give’ your time to your relationship if you spend all your spare time doing things that only interest you?  It’s obviously good for a relationship that either partner are free to pursue their own interests and hobbies.  If though, you are obsessive and so shut your partner out, you are possibly perceived as selfish and remote.  This then would be a great opportunity for you to change.

Put yourself in your partner’s position, what is it like being ignored and isolated by you?  At times we could all do with stepping back from our relationship and looking at ourselves from our partner’s perspective.

You could ‘give’ your partner space within the relationship to thrive as an individual.  Do you consider that your relationship is one of equals or do you treat it as a device for your own benefit?  Your partner could be frustrated and miserable, feeling they, and their opinions count for very little.

When you consciously make a decision to include your partner as an equal within the relationship, with their own voice, you are giving your partner the opportunity to ‘breathe’ again and enjoy being a genuine part of the relationship again.  Just as it used to be when you both first dated.  They were exciting times that you can recreate, if only a small part, which would be so much appreciated by your partner.

So, I hope you make a simple decision that going into the New Year you will make a difference to the way your partner sees you and the relationship.  It will cost you nothing, but will go a long way to re-establishing the loving relationship you both once committed yourselves to.

Have a great Christmas!

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Is This Christmas The last One With Your Partner?

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sad woman x Is This Christmas The last One With Your Partner?Looking around several relationship forums and blogs, there has been a topic that has consistently been raised over the last few weeks.  Is this Christmas the last one with your partner, as they are thinking of dumping you in the New Year?

Six out of ten couples who break up will do so in January.

Your partner may have already planned to leave you in the New Year, but a) they think enough of you to make it a lovely Christmas for you, or b) they are seeing if this period will make them change their mind.

If they have been planning to leave you, how come you haven’t noticed?  If you have lived with your partner for a number of years, then have you become aware of subtle changes in your partner’s attitude towards you.  Or there could be signs, but you are taking your partner, and the relationship, for granted.

Hopefully, your partner is using the Christmas period to finally decide if they should indeed leave you or not.

This is the time of year when we renew old acquaintances, see family and friends and exchange gifts with sentiments expressing love or friendship.  It’s a good idea to also look at your relationship over the past year and beyond.

1, Put yourself in your partner’s shoes.  What is it like living with you.  Are you a bully?  Do you use your partner like a hired help?  Do you ignore them much of the time?

2, Do you treat your partner with understanding and respect?

3, Do you listen and respond to your partner’s concerns about the relationship, their job, their family and friends?

4, Do you help them when they are ill or when, at times, overwhelmed by the pressures of modern life?

5, Do you remember their birthday and your anniversaries?

6, Do you spend relaxation time together or does your life revolve around other activities?

You might think your partner can’t leave you because they are not financially solvent or if you do have suspicions that your partner is unhappy enough to be considering their future with you.  Or it’s dawned on you that you have let your relationship slide?  Then now is the time to take action.

If you are or have been selfish in your relationship, make a real effort to change.  Christmas is a time for giving, then give your relationship the attention it deserves.

If you truly care about your partner, then tell them that you are sorry for the way you have behaved.  Mention that you want to take this time as an opportunity to change for the better going into the New Year.

Whether or not your partner has made plans to leave you doesn’t really matter.  Genuinely reconnecting with your partner would make an excellent New Year resolution for you and hopefully for your relationship.

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How To Kill First Date Anxiety

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1020903986 61b66b2390 m 150x150 How To Kill First Date AnxietyIt’s just a first date, it’s no big deal.  That’s right, what’s the problem?  That first date isn’t an engagement.  It’s a get together between two people over a coffee, dinner or a trip to the movies.

The thing is we just can’t help ourselves.  We get anxious just going to work or a visit to the dentist.  First date nerves is no different, but for a great dating experience, you will want to kill first date anxiety.

You can reduce some of that first date anxiety by a well prepared action plan:

1, personal hygiene is so important, so I know you will think “Obviously I’m going to shower, brush my teeth, and splash on some nice smelly stuff”.

2, Dress for the occasion, you will feel comfortable and fit right in.

If you are going for a coffee, casual/smart is the obvious way to go.

Unless you are booked to go ‘white water rafting’ think ‘smart’ every time and vary it between casual and formal.  It’s that first impression that might be bringing on anxiety.  But if you look and feel good there is now less to worry about.

Most people make up their mind about you within the first 30 seconds of meeting you.  That’s right, you may not have had time to say your hellos before your date has decided this is also your last date!

OK, there will always be other variables that come into play.  It could be you are too fat, too thin, too short, too tall.  Maybe you stretched the truth and were creative with your profile when you initially described yourself.  Just to make you feel better maybe their profile was also written by a fiction writer.  It’s what people do trying to impress when it’s that first date where it all really matters.  Profiles that are ‘loose with the truth’ happen to be one of the biggest gripes in the dating world.

3, Come up with a loose script in your mind about what you think will make for interesting chit chat.

What does cause anxiety is the fear of silence during the date.  This might happen if the date is going badly, say at a restaurant, why not try going bowling or some other activity its a great first date anxiety killer.  You have fun, making fun of each other and inhibitions soon evaporate.

A first date really should not be seen as a desparate opportunity to seek out a boy/girlfriend partner.

If you approach it as a fun first time get together with no romantic expectations, then your date will also relax and both of you will hopefully enjoy the date.  If it doesn’t work out, and you didn’t get along as well as you wanted, then put it down to experience, learn from it and move on.

Another cause of anxiety is, will my date expect a kiss when?  When will that happen?  Of course you kiss, a kiss on cheek, when saying thanks for the date, and good night is all that should be expected.  It’s a pleasant gesture that has no deeper meaning.  Get over it and go home.

Your first date will be a stepping stone, no more, and if you got on great together then arrange a second date.

Anxiety?  What anxiety!

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A Quick Guide To Speed Dating

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speed d 150x150 A Quick Guide To Speed DatingSpeed dating has been around for a good few years now.  From humble beginnings in a Beverley Hills cafe in California in 1998, it has grown into a global phenomenon.

In most major cities around the world there will be a speed dating event held each week.  This is one fad that shows no sign of waning.

What is Speed Dating?

Speed dating is an event where individuals get to meet a large number of like minded people in a short space of time, for the purpose of forming relationships.  ideally, 20 to 30 equal numbers of males and females meet, usually in a nice bar. Generally the females will be seated at tables and the males are given a number of minutes allotted by the event organizer to spend meeting a female.  When a bell rings (this varies between 3 and 10 minutes) the males will then move onto another table.

Because of the nature of speed dating, minds are also make up quickly if the would-be suitors are interested in anyone in particular.

First impressions really do count in this game.  A 2005 study by the University of Pennsylvania found that most people had made up their minds within the first 3 seconds of meeting.  A similar study in Edinburgh, Scotland, found that 45% of women and 22% of men at the event came to a decision within the first 30 seconds.

By it’s very nature in this type of event, a ultra fast selection process is taking place.  Immediate physical attraction must play a significant role, closely followed by what you choose to talk about.  Get these right and, hopefully, you will meet a great future mate or, at the very least, make some new friends or even business contacts.

Many speed dating events companies are free to join, you only pay for the event you sign up to attend.  Some are type specific – 20-40 age groups; senior citizens age group; Christians/Jews/Muslims; graduate professionals.

If you feel a bit nervous about attending your first event, bring along a willing friend.  They don’t have to take part but may be required to leave once the event starts.

Once the event begins you have a form to tick off people who interested you.  You will also get to see who was interested in you.  The event organizers will then give you contact details for you to follow up if you wish.

The Downside:

Speed dating can be expensive.  The average event lasts 2 to 3 hours and will cost you £20 ($30).

From a Mail on Sunday article, it was reported that it could take an average of 75 hours to find ‘love’ through speed dating.  Of course, it all depends on what you want out of it.  Some women complain that men who attend these events are only looking for sex.  In itself, that is nothing new in whatever type of dating you choose.

To Maximize Your Chances of a Successful Speed Date:

1, Shower and brush your teeth.  Yes, that might be obvious to you, but some will rush from work to attend an event.  If you are serious about speed dating you should make a real effort with this.

2, Dress to impress.  Look to wearing smart and comfortable clothes.  You should turn up at an event looking fresh and clean.  Avoid overdoing the perfume/aftershave, as some people are allergic to scent and you don’t want someone gagging within the first 10 seconds of meeting you.

3, Introduce yourself.  Don’t talk about previous bad experiences of speed dating.  Don’t be negative in anything you discuss.  Try and be your natural, charming self.  Always be honest, avoid exaggerating anything about your life, or job etc.  A lie may come back to bite you later!  Be attentive, genuinely listen to the person talking to you.

During and after the event there will be an opportunity to mingle. listen and learn from those who appear to be successful at the speed dating event.  Observe how they talk and act with the opposite sex.  How they are dressed and what makes them tick.  Above all, enjoy yourself and let your enthusiasm and sense of humor shine through.  Then you really will make a great first impression.

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Single Mom Dating Again,5 Essential Tips!

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photo 20514 20100914 150x150 Single Mom Dating Again,5 Essential Tips!When you are a single mom your life revolves around your child/children and coping daily with what life throws at you.  You may have gone through major relationship breakdown, and some of you swear you will never trust a man again.

You feel now though that you miss the companionship of a man in your life and so as a single mom dating again is entirely possible.  You already have a reliable, and trustworthy babysitter in mind, but haven’t a clue what to do next.  Maybe you just need some guidance to set you on your way.

There is a lot of single mom dating advice on the web, which I have narrowed down to 5 dating advice tips for you to check out:

1, First Things First – You could start by trying online dating services.  It’s so convenient and gets you into the right frame of mind.  There are  several popular sites i.e eHarmony.com, Match.com and Plentyoffish.com.  The first two are paid and Plenty of fish is a free to use site.  You will need your powers of deduction and sixth sense to filter out the time wasters and those who pretend they are single.  Check out the sites guidelines and use your intuition.

2, Initial Contact – There are varying views on what to reveal, but as a man I would value you letting me know straight off that you are a single mom.  Most men will then say they don’t care, but in reality, some ill find it difficult to accept you being a single mom.  You may even feel their fear radiating from your computer screen.  That’s ok, you want to weed out the unsuitable ones quickly.  It’s nothing personal, they have their own agenda, and children are not part of it – move on!

3, The Date – OK, you filtered out the undesirables and your frequent contact with that nice guy has resulted in a date.  You will both be asking general questions about each other.  Only bring up your children briefly for a few minutes and then change the subject.  You don’t want to scare him off by constantly talking about your wonderful, cute, kids or even how much your ex neglects them.

4, Reassurance – You have dated a man you like a few times, and he wants to see you more often.  Explain your children are your priority and you babysitter is not always available.  Reassure him frequently that you do care about him, but can’t be there for him as often as you would like.  Your date may seem understanding of your home situation but if it seems like he’s backing off or doesn’t call, you may consider that relationship is no longer worth pursuing.

5, Is It Time? – When you have dated a few times ask yourself, could you see your children enjoying time out with both of you.  Do you feel comfortable with your man now meeting them, without there being too much drama.  Introduce him as a friend to start with.  He is not a substitute or potential father figure.

This whole single mom dating experience is also about taking things slowly, for the children’s sake.  Let them get to know him.  Try also to avoid any overt displays of closeness between you, specially when it’s their first time meeting him.

Be aware your children might be rude and hostile towards him, this could go on for some time. The problem is not necessarily your nice, well behaved new man, but the fact that they are now sharing you with someone else.  Be patient, give them time and space to get used to the fact that he also is now a part of your life.

It’s important that as a single mom you do have a life of your own, one which you can balance with your family life.  There will be highs and lows dating again, but hopefully you will enjoy the experience!

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When Listening Is A Virtue In A Relationship

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apology 150x150 When Listening Is A Virtue In A RelationshipI often repeat of how I got into writing about relationship problems in articles, reports and ebooks.

Many years’ ago I was a song writer/musician in a number of groups.  I always looked for inspiration for lyrics from my own and friends’ relationships.  Falling in and out of love was my usual lyric content.  It was during the latter stages of my playing days that I got a job in a manufacturing company.  During coffee breaks with my co workers I couldn’t help but get involved with discussions about their own relationship successes and failures.  I would listen and offer my thoughts to a particular problem.  Later some of my female co workers would stop me and ask me about my opinion, or tell me that a certain piece of advice had worked in their relationship.  My advice or opinion was not from an experts book but from what I considered to be common sense.  I took those simple points with me from all those years’ ago to the present day when writing about relationship issues.  I was popular because I actually listened to what people had to say and gave an opinion that was devoid of self interest or false sentiment.

In your own relationships can you actually say, with honesty, that you listen to your partner and base your response on what’s best for the marriage or relationship without regard for self interest?  If you did that, what feedback would you get from your partner?  I am sure they would respond in kind, with positive communication.  It’s also showing respect to your partner.

A lot of relationship problems stem from ineffective communication.  If you just think back to when you first started dating, when both of you were getting to know each other, conversation would flow thick and fast.  “Do you really want to know about my family?” or “Tell me more about yourself?”  Maybe now you feel you know everything about each other and so daily conversation has just died away.  But do you really know your partner?  When was the last time you asked them about their opinion on something?

  • Try engaging your partner in meaningful conversation.  Ask them how their day went and show genuine interest – this works wonders.
  • Disagreements happen, but if tempers flare, it is better to walk away.  Most arguments take place because one of you wants to have the last word.
  • Share a common goal.  If it’s too early for retirement plans how about a business venture, possibly something on line.  Anything that both of you can plan together is great for re-engaging interest in one another and conversation.

Relationships are only hard work when either of you in a relationship isn’t trying, or attempting to control the other.  When you are listening you are caring.  It’s easy, simple, powerful stuff.

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Dating Again For Baby Boomers

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boomers backs 150x150 Dating Again For Baby BoomersDavid Cameron, the British Prime Minister, isn’t one and neither is Lady Gaga, infamous female American singer.  But my wife is, and so am I.  We are of the ‘Baby Boomer’ generation.  According to the United States Census Bureau, those born between 1946 and 1964 (generally meaning people from North America and the United Kingdom) are baby boomers, the post Second World War phenomenon, which saw a huge rise in births.

Many of us in this generation of baby boomers, who have divorced or separated, are going back to dating.  For some of us it may seem a daunting task to be looking for love or companionship again.

In my day, when you wanted to meet up with the opposite sex, you would get together with a few friends and go out to dance halls, pubs and bars.  Well those friends have long moved on with their lives, the dance halls are closed, and the pubs and bars are full of young people.  You could though check out your local newspapers for any singles clubs that cater for people of your age.  There are some very well run singles clubs in the UK that are a lot more professional then some years ago (there is a link at the bottom of the page).  If you find going that route intimidating, you can ‘test the water’ by trying online dating.

If the prospect of using a computer brings on hypertension, you can get help.  Go to your local library, most now have PCs installed, and ask for assistance in basic PC use.

If you have a PC or laptop at home, then Google ‘Dating Sites’.  What comes up is a mix of paid for and free membership dating sites.  At first just look around these sites and see what information is available.  Even some paid sites have dating information that you can browse without signing up.  Get a feel for what is required for a successful online dating experience.  The great thing about it is you can ease yourself into it.  What are you looking for, companionship or eventual romantic relationship?

If you are set in your ways, lighten up, you will make mistakes, but have fun and enjoy the experience.

We are living longer today and so you could have many more years where you can, and should, form new, lasting relationships.

Link to singles club:  RSVP Well worth checking out this quality singles membership site

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I Don’t Love My Husband Anymore, What Should I do?

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Broken heart I Dont Love My Husband Anymore, What Should I do?I don’t love my husband anymore, what should I do?  That question is so common on relationship forums.  Many wives and girlfriends wrote that loving someone and being in love were two different things.  That the early passion they shared in the relationship disappeared a long time ago.  An article in ezinearticles.com asked women to vote if they were still in love with their husbands or not.  Out of more than 4,000 votes cast, more than 96% said they were no longer in love.

One woman wrote how unhappy she was and wished she could turn back the clock to when she enjoyed a passionate, exciting relationship with her husband.  She wasn’t blaming him, she thought he had done no wrong.  Others wrote that although they were unhappy they could not contemplate leaving their husbands for various reasons.  One reason being that they still believe marriage is for life and so have resigned themselves to living out the rest of their lives in ‘limbo’.

These women have all but given up, when there could be several options.

Take control of the situation, make a conscious decision and believe that the relationship is worth saving.

Try and remember when and why your feelings for your husband changed.  Do you resent him for not helping out around the home, or spending time with the children?  Do you both have personalities that clash?  Do you and your husband still have issues from the past that impact the marriage?  Childhood anxieties and parental problems still effect many adults and restrict them from forming satisfactory relationships.  In trying to understand the underlying problem you are going some way to healing the emotional gulf between you.

Choose your moment and start conversing with your husband again.  Find out what motivates him.  Does he have plans for your future together?  Gradually bring into the conversation how you feel about the state of the relationship, ask him how he feels about it.  Don’t criticize him, but tell him your concerns, remind him of when you met, what attracted you to him, the feelings you had.  Say you would like to rekindle the passion that you miss.  Get him involved with the conversation, without being judgmental.  You just might spark something within him to take positive steps in reigniting the passion you both once shared.

Do you love your husband, but are not in love with him?  Write in and let me know your reasons for feeling that way.

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Dating After 40

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p paula rosdol 1599382c 150x150 Dating After 40A few days ago I met a fascinating lady.  An American living in London, she runs a successful over 40′s dating and relationship advice company.  Her name is Paula Rosdol.  She came to the attention of the public and media several years ago by dating 126 men from 10 countries over a 2 year period!

After her marriage collapsed while in her 40′s, she decided she would make a concerted effort to find her perfect man second time around.  This bold experiment resulted in her eventually marrying her ideal partner, Paul an Englishman.  In her own words “Living happily ever after”.

Over a coffee, we talked about her dating after 40 dating advice business.  Paula can provide a one on one mentoring service, as well as group meet ups which are held in central London.  I can relate to having someone mentor you, I have had an expert help me with my internet business.  Being shown the exact steps to take, as well as receiving qualified support when needed, helped me in my endeavors so much quicker with far less stress than if I had attempted things on my own.

As a dating expert Paula will take you by the hand and help you to regain your confidence and self esteem and so motivate you in how best to use your inner resources in an inspiring, positive way.

Apart from physically meeting clients in London, she can provide her dating savvy and expertise wherever you live in the world.  Paula is offering a free 15 minute consultation (which is not an excuse for pressure selling of her dating services) but a relaxing friendly chat where, not only will she assess exactly the kind of help you need, but that you feel comfortable in going forward with her.

Paula will not only give you crucial advice on the traditional dating experience, but provide valuable insights and assistance for online dating.  In reality Paula’s expert dating advice will help anybody, regardless of age, who feel they need help in meeting and dating the right person.

What’s refreshing about Paula’s dating business is it’s not like many internet sites springing up all over the internet, she meets and helps real people in the real world.  Her knowledge and background is genuine and the help she can give you comes from her international dating experience, she really does walk the walk!

Dubbed ‘The Dating Doctor’ by the Daily Telegraph you can check out how she can help you here: Paula Rosdol’s web site

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