As a parent of two late teens, I would hope my children absorb the good things about growing up in our family. I can’t recall having really bad fights with my wife in front of our children. Sure, we would argue at times. I would be mortified if those arguments or the way we may have negatively reacted to each other had any lasting effect on our children.
Occasional upsets between parents in front of their children have a much less of an impact on child relationship development than constantly living in a tense, intimidating environment, where the child accepts this situation as normal. I know of one ten year old child who, when being invited round to our home by our kids was totally surprised that we treated her with kindness and respect. She assumed that her fraught upbringing was normal for all children.
So many parents today lack basic parenting skills or place little value and effort in raising their children. It’s little wonder that these children grow up emotionally damaged.
What I am certain of is that as proud parents to our two children we tried to bring them up to be respectful to others, to be aware of what is or isn’t acceptable behavior and to constantly let them know we love and care for them.
what we had no influence over was their school life, the effect other children had on their development.
Our children grew up in a drug free, smoking free home, free of abuse. Our children were, from the age of five, now in contact with children from a whole range of family situations good and bad.
The high school years for our children affected them in many ways, their viewpoints on relationships and life in general were changing and definitely not now wholly influenced by us.
They had then picked up some crude words that were not used in our home (and still not acceptable). They were also making friends with some dubious characters as well as some kids we really liked. Their attitude to relationships going into their mid teens influenced by their peers and by relationships formed with the opposite sex had a big impact on them which affected them more than all their years of our influence and patterns of behavior on them.
I can honestly say that a couple of weekends away at rock concerts influenced their thoughts, opinions and social skills than their teachers did in those years at high school.
Sustained emotional trauma experienced by children by their parents will, of course, have an adverse effect. The degree by which it affects their own future relationships is down to the developing character of each child.
In our household, we tried to give our children a safe, tolerant environment in which to grow. At times I question whether we were not strict enough with them or if we should always have tried to convey our relationship as a role model for them to take notice of and put into practice. Something must have rubbed off on them as they both care about people and relationships. Through some stressful, difficult times my wife and I are still happy to be together. Our relationship still thrives and I believe that our children are happy in the knowledge that, as a happily married couple, we are still there for them whenever they need us.
It does happen because ‘love’ for some women is not the major reason for getting married. Love to me means an intense emotional feeling of desire and affection. To someone else it could mean something entirely different. Some women will marry because of financial considerations, they are pregnant or have a child or marry because in their part of the world it is a cultural requirement.
This week a short article almost hidden from view in the Daily Mail got my attention. A study carried out by researchers lead by Professor Neal Roese of Northwestern University Chicago looked at how men and women differ when coping with the demise of a relationship.
Almost daily I get emails from supposedly ‘bank officials’ informing me that I am in line to receive a share of millions of dollars if I act as a intermediary in a very lucrative money transaction. I must be an idiot as I have not taken up any of these offers! I reckon that over the last two years I have lost out on over two hundred million dollars!
A good neighbor of mine has just had his marriage break up. Over a few beers he told me that for several years he had put up with a partner who had been manipulating, intimidating and often had shown a total disregard of his opinions and feelings. He tried hard to make light of the situation, but I couldn’t help but think why can’t men stand up to a controlling woman? My neighbor asked me not to discuss the reasons for his break up with others as he thought people would consider him something of a wimp for putting up with his wife using him as a ‘doormat’ for much of his marriage.
As many people think that is is possible to have a platonic relationship with the opposite sex, as those that say it’s just can’t happen. Some think that eventually, one or both ‘friends’ want to take the relationship to another level.
I would never have thought that a well known dating forum would spark so much lively discussion, namely If you’re dating the right person would you wait until marriage for sex? Years ago, when I was in my late teens, the thought of having sex only in a loving relationship like marriage was alien to me. There was then, as has always been, much peer pressure in losing your virginity. It was considered a natural progression from getting a girlfriend. Maybe dating her for several weeks and end up having sex. At the time I dated girls who may not have wanted sex for whatever reason but not one ever said they preferred to wait until marriage for sex.
Going onto various dating and relationship forums I’ve noticed that there are many different interpretations of what is ‘instant chemistry’.
If you are getting your life together after a relationship break up or are just curious, maybe you might be thinking of online dating? Are you interested?
It’s an age old problem that has baffled nice guys, why do bad guys (jerks) always succeed with women? It seems totally illogical. I could never understand it when I was a teen. Most of the attractive, fun girls that I met preferred loud-mouthed, couldn’t care less, bad guys. I’ll tell you something, nice guys can get the girl, but first you should understand a few things first.