When redundancies were announced at my company we were offered outplacement. That’s when a company is bought in to mentor the employees by helping in various ways, with tips on interviewing techniques, writing CV’s etc. A thick booklet was given out.
I don’t think this 100 page master plan for preparing for a new working life was read by many at the time. They looked and acted as if in terminal decline. If the management had offered vodka shots and pizza (we have a Pizza Hut so close, you can tell when a meat feast has been ordered) we would have been thanking the boss for letting us go!
One page caught my eye ’What do you want in your life in five years from now’. You had to draw pictures and describe how you would like your life to turn out. Easy! I would draw a big yellow sun and crayon in a huge smile. I would write HAPPY and CONTENT and sign it from each and every one of us. I have not noted anyone, from the boss down to little old me, who was/is happy in their job. Heck, the Finance Department regularly ODs on paracetamol, just to suppress the headaches from spreading to their eyeballs!
‘Dress down Friday’ should also be called ‘We made it to the end of the week and survived Friday’. Good grief, the stampede to get out the door at the end of the week, would make an olympic runner marvel at the sheer determination and breakneck competition of it all.
The outplacement booklet’s page on CVs should have a small section after hobbies/interests, the prospective employee’s preferences are: A office near the car park, vodka shots on Friday’s, and a ready supply of paracetamol!!
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