A lack of confidence around women is just not associated with adolescent males, many men returning to the dating scene after a separation or divorce, no matter what their age or experience suffer from it.
The definition of confidence is a belief in one’s abilities, a self-confidence that is projected to others even if they are total strangers. So whatever age you are, how to gain confidence when meeting women starts by changing your mentality. Women can sense negativity and self-doubt instantly. Do you hold negative self-beliefs such as considering yourself as unattractive (ugly) or someone women would find dull and uninteresting? Now it’s highly doubtful that a woman has told you such things, so that perception comes from you. Maybe your lack of confidence can be traced all the way back to your childhood. Our childhood experiences leave a footprint on our psyche (mind) that can, for good or bad, affect us all our lives. If you can recognize where your perceived fear comes from, run through that memory in your mind and then visualize putting it into a file or box and then try shrinking it into something that is small and insignificant. I have experimented with a similar exercise and found it helped reduce the negative effects that particular memory had on me.
Another exercise you should try would be to write down all your positive, personal traits you can think of. Are you kind, honest and respectful? Do you care about people, their feelings and opinions? Hopefully you can come up with even a small list of good, positive personal traits you can think about and focus on, instead of possibly believing all you have are faults.
If you get beads of sweat trickling down your face with the mere thought of approaching a woman at a bar or elsewhere in public then discount completely that particular way of meeting woman, at least until you build up your confidence.
To avoid that particular fear factor it’s better to concentrate on starting with what you are comfortable with. This could be meeting or joining in on a conversation with women at:
- your company’s or office social event
- somewhere where you join in with similar interests like sports, the gym or hobby classes
The idea here is to get to know someone new in a non-confrontational atmosphere. There are no expectations, all you want to do is find out what women share your interests and are happy and or relaxed in your company. As you get to know them, make a point of really listening to their hopes, dreams and other points of view. Women are naturally attracted to a man who takes the trouble to get to know them without any sexual pretentions.
My own experiences, many years ago, were always difficult for me when I went out with my male friends to meet up with women in bars. I was awkward and self-conscious, and I’m sure women were put off by my attempts to be ‘friendly’. The situation improved a lot when I was in social situations where I was not trying to pick up girls. When I was being my natural self and showed genuine interest in what they were talking about, then I attracted interest in me.
If you want to meet women in bars or clubs, you might initially be more successful if you do go with a male friend who has no confidence issues. Someone who will willingly help put you at ease in a group of women. Take mental notes of how he starts conversations; what he talks about that holds their interest and what makes them walk away! It’s always best not to make up a fictitious story about yourself, your job; the car you drive or how much money you have. You just might be talking to some amazing woman you want to get to know better. She will drop you quickly if your ‘little untruths’ get found out!
Having confidence is having no fear of rejection. If you approach women in a relaxed environment where you feel at ease, and with no other expectations other than wanting to get to know a woman a little better, then your fear will subside. Your confidence will improve with practice, so practice being a good listener and just watch those women sit up and take notice of you!