You both enjoy each others company so much that after the date, you are texting each other until the early hours of the morning, saying how much you enjoyed the date.  You also blurt out that you are missing them badly.  Hopelessly addicted to each other, there’s only one real solution.  You decide to move in together.

The very idea is exciting and full of adventure.  You’ve always lived with your parents and your partner’s place is ideal just 10 minutes in the car from home.  It wouldn’t take long to rush back and borrow some money when needed (that will be often).

Everyone is so excited, you and your partner, both sets of parents, and your obnoxious brother!  But before you get carried away on a sea of expectation, you should draw up a plan.  If you sort out some details beforehand.  You will avoid arguments, bad feeling, and pure frustration.  Moving in together to you, might just mean sharing everything, but in the real world you should talk it through.

House Rules Plan

1, Finances – splitting the bills for lighting, gas, electricity and rent/mortgage.  That might just mean as easy 50/50 split, but if one of you spends a lot more time on the computer and watching TV than the other, after a while you might not like splitting the broadband and satellite TV package down the middle.

Will there be other essentials to buy like a cooker, microwave oven or washing machine?  If all these items are already owned by your partner, will you offer to buy replacements when one breaks down?  It’s essential for you both to get this right.

Then there’s the food bills.  You might eat like a mouse, but your partner eats like a horse, You might want to come up with a more sensible food budget that better reflects your partner’s eating habits.

2, Cleaning – from the various websites I’ve checked out on the subject, cleaning up causes a high percentage of problems.  Your partner keeps their place cleaner than a NASA laboratory, but you are a bit of a slob.  You should both decide on cleaning duties.  Will it be a joint exercise, or will you share cleaning the house, changing the bed clothes, including washing and drying?  Make a list of who does what and stick to it.  It will be one of your major house rules.

3, Acceptable behavior – will your partner want to continue inviting their loud, swearing, party animal friends over every weekend?  It just wouldn’t be fair.  Will you want your biker friends over once a week, scaring your partner witless.

Come up with some acceptable rules on this issue and there should be no problem.  Then, of course, there is personal behavior.  You both will want to mention your own preferences on smoking, swearing and levels of personal hygiene.

Moving in together is a big move, you will be seeing each other in a different light as opposed to just dating.  You might also find it difficult adjusting to each other’s routines for a while.  Will you want alone time, some space to do as you please?  Maybe your partner will expect it.

Finally, is there an end game to this move?  Is it a taster before deciding to get married or just living together for the forseeable future because it’s a great idea.

Just work out some simple plans that you both agree on.  Communicate all the time and enjoy the experience of moving in together!

I think most of us get jealous sometime.  It’s usually a passing annoyance and probably forgotten about soon enough.  It’s when feelings of jealousy become extreme.  When your normally easy going partner suddenly goes into a rage because you have inadvertently unleashed the monster in them.

I can recall my jealous moments which have been problematic for my wife.  I am a heck of a lot better now, but I must have been very difficult to be with at times.  Imagine having done nothing wrong, but you have triggered something, because your jealous partner accuses you of flirting, cheating, lying and a whole lot of other stuff.  Worse, this confrontation could be happening in public.  That kind of reaction could make you want to leave them for someone who doesn’t share your partner’s problems with insecurity.

I would define jealousy as a heightened emotional response to fear, anxiety and suspicion, brought on because the jealous person is basically insecure and suffering low self esteem.  If I am describing your partner then don’t just put up with their outbursts.  You can help your partner come to terms with the ‘green eyed monster’ that consumes them.

1,  Try and talk through their jealousy with them in an understanding and calm manner.  You will want to get to the root cause of their jealous feelings towards you.

2,  Identify the triggers that cause your partner to confront you with their irrational accusations.

3,  You can help your partner by trying to avoid placing yourself in a position where their negative jealous feelings are activated.

4,  Your partner’s feelings of jealousy can’t be cured by simply saying “Get a grip” or “Pull yourself together”.  Give them constant reassurance that you care about them.  That you are not going to leave them for someone else.

5,  Maybe your partner would find it easier to write down the situations and events that bring on their anger.  They could also note down how they are feeling as the jealous situation unfolds.

6,  If your partner has a tendency to react when they are under the influence of drugs or alcohol.  They need to be convinced to cut down on their intake, or visiting places where they would be tempted to buy them.

7,  Go on the internet and learn more about jealousy and its effect on relationships.  You could check out Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which, through a trained therapist, changes patterns in thinking and behavior which causes the jealous episodes.

In trying to empathize with your partner, and taking practical steps, you will be going a long way in getting both of you though this relationship killer!

Do you have direct experience of a jealous person and have a solution that you can share, then please post a comment here?

I know some people who have split up and are now living alone, I’m sure you do too.  These days more and more people, through choice, are living alone and loving it.

There is a section of society that see people who live alone as sad, lonely and probably best avoided.  After all, are we not conditioned into thinking that through marriage or a relationship we will find happiness and contentment with our partner?  What happens when many of these relationships break up?  Over 60% of people who have divorced or survived their spouse have no plans to co-habit again. There are though no reliable stats for those who stay in an unhappy marriage/relationship, because they can’t contemplate the thought of living alone.

Maybe living alone is not something many people aspire to.  But the majority of those who have done so, say their lives are better because of it.  There are those who are productive with their time, by engaging in an active social life.  They say living alone has given them more time to build relationships with friends.  There are also a number of people who enjoy a loving relationship with a partner, but still prefer to live on their own.

Most people who live alone mention the benefits of not having to compromise and do things they don’t like, which they feel they have to do in a live in relationship.  To some people that attitude is thought of as selfish.  Although I think it’s better to be living life by your own terms, than being in a miserable relationship with a controlling, insensitive partner.

There is a lot to be said for coming home to a place that is as tidy as you left it.  Preparing a favorite meal, or winding down with a drink and deciding how you will spend the rest of your day or evening, unconcerned with another person’s wants and needs.  If you approach living alone with a positive mindset and involve yourself with other people you will not become insular, which could lead to boredom, loneliness and possibly depression.

Living alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely.  You can enjoy the freedom of having your own ‘space’ in your own home, all the time.  It’s an opportunity to really get to know yourself, and discover personal resources you never knew you possessed.  You will quickly find out how resilient you really are.  Back up, support, and encouragement, need only be a phone call away.

You may be different to the majority in choosing to live by yourself, but that need not stop you living life to the full.  You are then doing it on your own terms, living alone and loving it!

Do you live alone, how has the experience affected you?

Firstly, what does no contact rule mean?  Well, if you’ve had a bad bust up with your partner and have parted, the no contact rule is a technique used to to get your ex come running back to you.  Apparently the no contact rule does work, it’s a sly trick.  You break all contact with your partner, that’s literally no communication.  After some time has passed, this could be as little as a day or two, or several weeks, your ex realizes just what they are missing and, in desperation, contacts you to get you back with them again.

This post is intended specifically for those of you that have experienced so much mental, or physical pain caused by your ex that you are serious in implementing the no contact rule.  You want your ex out of your life, permanently.  In this respect the no contact rule  is also a means of giving yourself space to rebuild your confidence and self esteem.

If you have been married or lived with your partner for many years, a complete break off of communication can still be a difficult process, even if they have hurt you badly.  After all, for good or bad, you have shared your life with that person, those intimate moments and possibly your innermost thoughts, fears, and dreams.

The no contact rules:

1, No contact means no emails, text, phone calls, and facebook messages.  Don’t even consider fabricating a ‘chance encounter’ at a cafe, restaurant or work place.  For the success of the no contact rule, your sanity and new life, you have to do all these things, and more.

2,  Remove anything from your home that invokes an emotional response, photos, music, jewellery, and items of clothing.  You might feel like putting the whole lot in the trash, some people prefer to pack everything away in a suitcase and place in some little used part of the house.

3,  You will still be thinking about your ex, that’s natural.  Therefore, try and re-engage with old friends and acquaintances, your emotions might still be too raw to consider dating again, but it’s a thought.

4,  Take up an interest you have wanted to do but never found the time, or your partner hated the idea. Getting involved with something new is a great way to put you in a positive frame of mind.

5,   There may still have to be some contact if children are involved, a united show of still caring and  love for your children is very important as they are so vulnerable and unsure at this time.

Life, of course, does go on and it’s true, when one door shuts, another opens.  See the break up as an opportunity to make a fresh start, and so begin planning for the new life you deserve.

Have you used the no contact rule, did it work for you?

Are you one  of those people who think that everyone is having a great relationship, but you?  If you do, then stop worrying about how you rate your relationship with the seemingly brilliant relationships others seem to be enjoying.  Those great relationships enjoyed by your friends, neighbors, and work colleagues may not be all they seem.  You just don’t know what goes on behind closed doors.  If almost half of all marriages end in divorce, then it stands to reason there is also a ground swell of couples who are unhappy, but just will not consider separating for various reasons.  Fear of living alone and no wish to lose the feeling of security that a relationship brings, are just two.

Most couples don’t ‘work’ on their  marriage and relationships, they get on with the routine of their busy lives. Making time for each other might just mean sex a couple of times a week.  Any real communication,  by that I mean actually talking to each other,  is possibly an event rather than something that has grown from when the couples first got to know each other.

If your life style is affecting your relationship, then at least acknowlege each other respectfully.  Don’t go to work on an argument.  If you also try and make a regular effort at communicating with each other, (why not share how your day went) then you are getting there.  If the atmosphere in the home is tense, then lighten up, allow yourself to have fun, and notice the difference.

I have recently been very surprised that a couple who I know well, are separating after living together for many years.  I am now finding out that they had been drifting apart for a long time.  They had been putting on a show of being happy in their relationship for many months, and I certainly didn’t notice anything wrong.  So it goes to show you never can tell, those happy couples you know, enjoying a great relationship, might just be planning to end it all.

Don’t look at other marriages and relationships with envy, just concentrate on your relationship.  If it does mean a lot  to both of you, make subtle changes so that you don’t become another break up statistic by drifting apart and separating.

Have you been totally surprised by  a couple you thought would stay together forever suddenly announce their separation?  Please leave a comment.

Just This Week on TV there was a review of  a new UK based dating site.  Before I could quickly change channels, It was mentioned that it was a dating  site with a difference.  Going by the name of  My Single Friend.Com, it is the brainchild of Sarah Beany (Tv presenter) and friend Amanda Christie.

Intrigued, I checked out the website.  With a picture of a smiling Sarah on the ‘about us’ page I immediately felt comfortable about navigating around the site, which left me with the impression it was personal and caring. I quickly clicked over to a couple of  other well established, slick dating sites.  Straight away I felt the sites were operated by computers!

My Single Friend.Com is designed to appeal to people who would not normally consider going to a conventional dating site. A unique feature is, a friend of yours could add you to the site by giving their own viewpoint of your personality etc.  You can then approve the profile when you are happy with it.  With a friend involved, vetting other peoples profiles with you, I can see this being a fun activity.  I’m sure this would do a lot for your confidence knowing your friend is available to help you with dating decisions if needed.

It you want you can first check out the site for free. If you like what you see the joining fees start at £21.00 for one month.  You con contact another single person through the site’s messaging system so you do not divulge your phone number or email address, the sites administrators  monitor your profile to make sure you have not advertently given out your personal details.

The site does not promise that you will find love, but they are offering a good old fashioned dating experience.  They do say though that they help create over 100 ‘couples’ every month.

The owners of this site have tried to make the dating experience fun and safe.  If you are single and have some reservations about joining dating sites, My Single Friend .Com makes it easy ( with a little help of a friend) to find and contact, other other like minded and interesting people like you.

Check it out here, My Single Friend.Com

We are all individuals with our own viewpoints, beliefs, and attitudes.  When we come together with another person in a relationship, we all compromise to a certain extent.  We are in effect checking each other out, finding out just what is acceptable.  We tend to forgive little annoyances and bad habits, after all we can fix them at a later date.  In the early stages of a relationship we are finding our way around our new, cute, smart, attractive, possibly rich new partner!  If we didn’t compromise in those early stages, most of us would never form a relationship.

Compromise in relationships obviously has to work both ways between you and your partner.  Firstly, individual boundaries should be established between you.  It’s being part of a comfortable environment as an individual within a relationship.  Ideally you feel good and at ease about yourself and your partner.  Compromising to keep the peace, or the other person happy, which involves sacrificing your own boundaries is self destructive, leaving you miserable, in a doomed relationship.  It’s a careful balancing act, keeping your own individuality and compromising when it feels the right thing to do.

Reading through several relationship advice forums covering this subject, it seems there are many people who are, or have been in, unsatisfactory relationships where compromising has resulted in loss of freedom,self esteem, and fear.  Fear of rejection, of losing their partner if they didn’t do everything their partner demanded, the relationship centered around this person who was controlling, inflexible, and unthinking of their partner’s feelings.

You might be happy to compromise on all the other stuff, choosing what movie you are both thinking about seeing, or what ethnic restaurant you are going to later.  But don’t compromise on what you believe in, your self respect, or your hopes and dreams.

There will always be conflict within a relationship at some time, because you are both individuals and **** happens!

Take care of yourself, and keep your dignity within the relationship.  Over time, conflict, egos, and compromise lose their relevance, and a deeper understanding and tolerance of each other takes over.

It’s getting there that could be the hard bit!

How do you feel about compromise within a relationship, please leave a comment.

Maybe the relationship with your partner has been good.  If you’ve been arguing recently it’s nothing – forgotten.  But what he has then said to you is totally unexpected.  He tells you he has decided he needs space.  He might say he doesn’t want to break the relationship/marriage up, but he needs time on his own to think things through, get his head together or any of a number of reasons that pop into his head.

Your initial reaction might be bewilderment, anger and confusion.  What does he mean?  If you try to question him about his reasons he might freeze your out, unwilling to discuss it.

The definition of ‘space’ is an interval or distance between two or more objects.  Let’s be clear, in needing space, or distance (I would call it a ‘No Go Area around him’) he hopes to be free to think things through about hat could be troubling him, without your input or opinion.

This is his alone time, some may feel it’s a self imposed selfish period where open discussion, as you would expect in a relationship, is not an option.

One acceptable reason he wants ‘time out’ is

A, to break a vicious argumentative period you are both going through.  Maybe you are fighting about any trivial thing that comes up, and it’s taking it’s toll on him.

B, he’s having an affair and it’s come to the point where he has to decide who he wants, you or his lover.

C, he is considering breaking up with you and can’t bring himself to tell you outright.  Maybe he can’t stand confrontation, and the space he wants is his way of quietly preparing to break up with you.

D, the relationship with you has seen him lose out on Friday beer nights with his buddies.  Maybe you’ve been hassling him about his golf days away and he doesn’t like it one bit because you are questioning him about his ‘me’ time.

Whatever the reason for needing space, he will not want to go into any details with you.

But you can do something.  Ask him exactly what ‘needing some space’ entails.  Is he moving out temporarily, do you still communicate?

If you care about the relationship, agree to give him some space.  Don’t leave that ‘thinking period’ open ended.  Put a time scale on it, that should focus his mind.  In a good, functioning relationship, listening and talking through problems before they escalate into something serious is the way to handle them.

He is either being very thoughtful and is concerned enough about the relationship to want to step back and so stop the destructive cycle running through it, or he’s looking for a way out, and will not face you directly and tell you what’s wrong.  It could be he’s just a sensitive soul and it’s nothing to worry about!l

If you feel  there is something you can add to this article,  , please let me know about your experiences.

All your friends get on well together.  They’ve even grown to like your taste in clothes and music.  Over a few beers one night you all agree how great it would be to go on holiday.  Majorca, one of the Spanish islands, would be ideal.  Well that’s all the planning sorted out, now it’s time to stock up on sun creams and T shirts.

Maybe I’m  exagerating the simplicity of your plan, but if you want to have a great time and still retain your friends by the end of your vacation, you should come up with a list of GROUND RULES.

a,  Plan time on your own. You will need some space even if it’s only a long weekend away.  You might want to enjoy a few drinks watching the sun go down before heading back to your room, to read the latest blockbuster novel.  Your friends might instead want to hit the bars and night clubs straight after dinner.

b,  Definitely checkout that your friends are happy to share the chores. If you are sharing a room, takes turns, or all join in to keep the place clean.  You don’t want to discover one of your friends is a lazy slob, who avoids helping out, and thinks that dirty plates and utensils magically clean themselves.

c,  Money issues are one of the biggest reasons friends fall out on holiday.  Agree to share the costs of general stuff needed for  the room, also costs of meals and drinks.  If one of you wants to pay for all their own food and drinks, then there is no misunderstanding.

d,  What kind of holiday are you all looking for?  Is it beach based for you, or do you want to drive off every morning exploring places of interest?  Does a friend want to hook up with the opposite sex as soon as the plane lands, and plans to bring ‘new friends’ back to the room at 2:00 am?

e,  It maybe a good idea if you all book single rooms, which could solve various possible flash points.  You get to have your own space and only meet up for meals etc.  You don’t want to end up falling out because you are with each other 24/7.

It’s at the planning stage you may discover that a certain friend would not make a good vacation companion.  Find someone new, some say their best holidays were with people they hardly knew.  Over 20% of friends who go on holiday regret it so much, it has permanently affected their friendship.

So you have made it through the planning stage, happy with the agreed compromises, and the holiday destination booked.  For goodness sake CHILL OUT, no one is perfect, not even you.  Accept there will be times when you don’t agree, or are annoyed over something not working out.  It’s only a holiday and not forever.  Enjoy your time away with your friends, who knows you might want to repeat it all again next year.

PS:  Don’t forget the camera, for great memories, or worse,… evidence!

In this article about age gap in relationships I want firstly to discount those relationships that may have age differences because of religious and cultural beliefs.  I’m instead dealing specifically with those countries where, especially for the female it’s considered their basic human right to be able to make decisions on who they wish to have a relationship with.  I’ll also discount those  women that seek out and marry an obviously aging millionaire!  If any of you fit that description but take offense, because you both are amazingly happy together, I apologise!

This post is about the vast majority of ordinary couples out there who have become attracted to someone who may be much older than they are.  They may also have  experienced tensions or even hostility from family, friends, or colleagues who found this new relationship hard to accept.  These people may react badly even though they may have good intentions because they probably wish to protect the individual they care about.  For example, where one person in the relationship is a young teenager and their partner is quite a few years older.  Negative attitudes to those that are in big age gap become less noticable the older a couple are.  I doubt that it concerns people if individuals in a relationship are respectively 40 and 50 years old.

I can speak from experience on this issue as my wife is 10 years younger than me.  At first we did encounter some negativety from work colleagues (it’s where we met) but interestingly not from our respective families.  I have checked out several forums where this topic is discussed and the majority of commentators, at least 70% say basically ‘good luck to them, as long as they are happy together’.

An age gap in a marriage could have problems like one partner wants to have children “before it’s too late” or one partner wants to have an active social life but the older partner has “been there, done that” and now wants to slow things down.  That’s life, the unexpected can happen to any relationship regardless of age differences. You just have to try and adjust and move on with your lives.

I remember when my wife and I started going out together.  I was in my thirties, she in her twenties, we both goofed around like a couple of crazy teenagers!